


I wish it could be different

by shsl_fangirl24



Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Childhood, Coming Out, Confusion, First Kiss, Flashbacks, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Teen Crush
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-13
Updated: 2020-06-13
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:55:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,168
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24696391
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shsl_fangirl24/pseuds/shsl_fangirl24
Summary: Felix has a crush on Sylvain, he always did, he just couldn't come to terms with being in love with his best friend. At some point, he asks Ingrid for advice.
Relationships: Felix Hugo Fraldarius/Sylvain Jose Gautier
Kudos: 37





	I wish it could be different

Felix's feelings for Sylvain have always been complicated. Ever since they were kids, he had always felt different when he was with him. And it terrified him.

When they first met, it was weird between them. Felix wasn't used to having people around him who weren't his family. But after a while, Felix started to enjoy the time he got to spend with Sylvain. Their lighthearted conversations made him laugh more than anything else, and training wasn't as much of a hassle when he was training with Sylvain. Ingrid was a friend of them as well, and although Felix liked her, he never felt the same when he was with her. Talking to her was never as amusing, and training became boring after a while. For the first time in his life, Felix got attached to someone. 

When Felix was twelve, Sylvain had his first girlfriend and it made Felix angry. He remembers insulting Sylvain's girlfriend in his diary back then, without even knowing her. He thought it was unfair that Sylvain dedicated more of his time to her, instead of spending it with him. He wondered why Sylvain needed a girlfriend in the first place, was Felix not enough for him? Felix himself had no desire to get close to another person like that, so why was their friendship not enough to Sylvain? When Felix got acquainted with the principle of romantic relationships and its difference to friendships, he started to imagine himself in the position of Sylvains girlfriend. At first, it was a nice thought, but he wasn't a girl, so fantasizing about that stuff didn't make any sense. He wondered whether he had a crush on Sylvain and if that was normal. He started to avoid Sylvain while simultaneously missing him so much he thought his heart would burst. He almost hated Sylvain for it. For making him unhappy.

When Felix was thirteen, he broke down in front of Sylvain. He had been really upset and heartbroken, Sylvain didn't question it, he just held him in his arms and tried to console him. He also offered to listen, in case Felix wanted to talk, but he didn't pressure him. Felix hated to be treated like he was fragile, but he loved being embraced by Sylvain. He didn't talk, he just laid in his arms, feeling insanely safe and comforted. When Felix had regained his composure, he made Sylvain swear to never tell anyone about what had just occurred, with Felix crying his eyes out. He also made him promise to never ever mention it again. Sylvain had kept that promise. Felix knew his feelings weren't just a temporary crush. He fell for Sylvain. And he fell hard.

When Felix was fourteen, he got familiar with homosexuality. At first he was relieved, because that meant he wasn't the only person who had those kinds of feelings to deal with. And it also indicated that, technically, Felix could be in a relationship with Sylvain. He didn't want to admit it, but he started to gain hope again. Felix approached Sylvain several times, the amount of their training sessions steadily increasing, and he felt like they were kids again, laughing with each other. He really enjoyed Sylvain's company, that was undeniable, but after a while he could sense that Sylvain's feelings for Felix weren't the same as his own.

When Felix was fifteen, that was confirmed for certain. He caught Felix in bed with a girl, they were about to get intimate with each other, and Felix had the sudden urge to vomit. Sylvain had at least had the decency to be embarrassed, he attempted to explain himself, but Felix had stormed off. While he dashed to his own room, tears were rolling over his cheeks, and even years later, he never managed the precise feeling of devastation that rumbled within his heart. He could never get those images out of his head, and more than anything he wished for Sylvain to look at him the same way he looked at that girl. For his feelings to be reciprocated. He was mad at Sylvain for not recognizing Felix's feelings, he was mad at the girl for hogging Sylvain's affection, and he was mad at himself for being who he was. Felix and Sylvain remained friends and when Sylvain tried to talk about the events of that night, Felix just brushed it off as being disgusted to see Sylvain be so...gross. 

When Felix was sixteen, he had sex for the first time. It was some guy that he didn't even know and whom he never saw again. If felt good, but it wasn't satisfying because he couldn't stop thinking about Sylvain throughout the entire experience. He never told Sylvain anything about neither his feelings for him nor his sexuality, he honestly didn't even consider it. He was ashamed and he didn't want Sylvain to be either creeped out or uncomfortable, he also didn't think he'd be able to handle the rejection. He just remained silent and kept all of his feelings to himself.

And now, Felix was seventeen, sitting in Ingrid's bedroom and telling her that exact story. Throughout all those years, Felix's feelings had never changed, the only thing that differed was that Felix had lost all hope. He was still insecure about his sexuality and he had never told anyone about it before. Ingrid was attentive and listened to every piece of the story, not chiming in and interrupting him. She was a little surprised, but while reminiscing, she realized that she should've figured it out sooner. She put her hand on Felix's shoulder and gave him a reassuring smile. Felix had a shy look on his face, a very rare sight. 

Ingrid sighed and spoke up after a moment of silence. "I understand, Felix. It's nothing to feel ashamed of. It really isn't." Felix grunted in disbelief. "You're just saying that to cheer me up, aren't you?" 

"Yes, I mean, that's partially true. But I honestly understand you, in fact, I can relate to your feelings." Felix raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean by that?" Ingrid was fiddling with her fingers, seemingly nervous. "I'm into girls. Have always been. I was confused, too, thought it was odd, that I was a weirdo, but now I know that it's not a bad thing. It changes nothing about me. It doesn't define me. You're not weird, either. It doesn't change you, either. You're still the same stubborn Felix I've gotten to know a decade ago." Felix's jaw dropped a little, he was blatantly surprised. If he had paid more attention to his surroundings, he might have noticed the looks Ingrid shot other girls. He felt selfish, but his feeling of relief was more dominant at that moment. He was glad someone understood him.

"I'm...sorry for never noticing", Felix hesitantly said. Ingrid shrugged it off. "It's fine. I never noticed, either. I'm sorry as well." Now it was Felix's turn to shrug. "I guess both of us were busy with our own stuff."

Felix was glad that he had mustered up the courage to speak to somebody, but talking to Ingrid certainly wouldn't solve his problems with Sylvain. "About Sylvain...", he began. Ingrid looked at him, curious expression on her face. "What am I supposed to do? I can't tell him about any of this, but I feel like my emotions are eating me up from inside."

"How about you start by telling him about your attraction to males in general?"

"Are you kidding me? He would probably be disgusted." Felix scoffed.

"Well, I don't think so. I know that Sylvain isn't homophobic. I have told him. About me."

"Oh. That's a good thing, I guess." 

Felix sighed, feeling like a weight was lifted off his shoulders. Well, Sylvain accepting him for being gay still didn't mean he wouldn't be weird about it. It also didn't mean he would reciprocate his feelings. Felix knew that Sylvain was into girls, but he couldn't help but wonder if he may be into both sexes. Even after all these years of his relationship with Sylvain not making any progress, there still was a tiny portion of hope buried within him. 

He was determined to tell Sylvain and not give up that easily. Well, there was nothing to even give up on, Felix had never made any advances in the first place.

A couple of days later, he sat in Sylvain's room and told him about his sexuality. Sylvain's immediate reaction was to chuckle. "Well, it was fairly obvious that you don't really care for girls that way." Felix rolled his eyes. "Thanks for being so sensitive about this, Sylvain." Sylvain put an arm around him, Felix felt his heartbeat promptly increase at the touch. "Seriously though, it's not a big thing to me. A bit surprising that both of my best friends are gay, but it's cool." After he had realized what he just divulged, he pressed a hand onto his mouth and gasped lightly. "I mean-", he started, trying to make up some kind of excuse, but Felix interrupted him. "I know, she told me." 

Sylvain was alleviated, he knew how harmful it could be to not keep your mouth shut sometimes. 

"Alright, since you opened up to me, I'll tell you a secret of my own", Sylvain started. Felix scoffed. "I'm not interested in your stories about your girlfriends or anything."

"That doesn't matter, because that is not what I want to tell you." After a short pause, he continued. "I actually like a guy right now. I mean, I've never been with a boy before, but I'm intrigued, I guess and I have been for some time now, so I guess I'm bi?" 

"Is this a question or a declaration?" Felix tries to answer nonchalantly, but his heart was pounding and he felt like it was going to explode. "I'm for certain. I mean, girls are amazing, I love them, but they're also really complicated and well, you don't decide who you fall in love with." Felix felt unsettled. Could it be him or was he too optimistic?

"Alright, good to know. Do you want to tell me who it is?"

Sylvain looked at him like he was trying to solve a puzzle, staring right into his eyes. Then he leaned in and pressed a short kiss to Felix's lips. Felix pushed him away, startled, and averted his gaze to the ground. He felt like he was being toyed with. Was this some kind of bad joke? "Are you kidding me? This is not a funny joke!"

Sylvain looked a little hurt, making Felix's heart ache a little, but he refused to give in. "Did Ingrid tell you about this, is this some kind of prank? Because this is not funny, my feelings are sincere and I didn't come her to be made fun of by you, my supposed best friend." Felix spoke unusually quickly and Sylvain came to a realization. He actually started to laugh. That confirmed his feelings were requited, didn't it? But that laugh just aggravated Felix, who thought he was being ridiculed by the people he trusted the most. He stood up and wanted to storm out, face red with shame, when Sylvain realized what he made the situation look like and tugged on Felix's arm. 

"Wait! I didn't mean it like that! I love you, Felix. I really do. I'm sorry it took me so long to realize it, but I honestly love you", Sylvain confessed. Felix turned around and looked at him. "This is not a joke, Felix. And Ingrid didn't tell me anything. Even I am not that insensitive. I love you."

Felix was stunned, he just sat there, not saying anything. His head was spinning, he couldn't believe that he was worried all these years and Sylvain come him, too. But on the other hand, his insecurities kept echoing in his mind. It was as if he didn't want to believe it, because he was convinced that Sylvain was too good for him. After what felt like an eternity, he looked up at Sylvain and managed a small smile. Small, but genuine. Sylvain thought it was adorable. Seeing Felix smile at him was the incentive to bend forward and kiss him again. Which he did. He felt Felix smile into the kiss and had to smile himself. The kiss was soft and tender, both of them taking it slow. When they separated, they were both grinning. Felix's cheeks were tainted bright red. "You idiot, Sylvain. I honestly can't believe you sometimes..."

Sylvain laughed and took Felix's hand. "Are we, like, a couple now?", Felix questioned, still unwilling to believe what had happened. "If you want us to be", was all that Sylvain responded. Felix nodded. "Good. Then it's decided." Neither of them wanted to part so soon, so they stayed together, Felix still wondering how he could've gotten that lucky. Maybe it was good to make advances sometimes.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! I hope you like reading this, I may or may not be projecting a bit of my own feelings onto Felix, so it was surprisingly easy to write this. Anyways, Sylvix is canon!


End file.
